2 days ago
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Monday, September 28, 2009
Close Every Door
Lyrics
JOSEPH
Close every door to me, hide all the world from me
Bar all the windows and shut out the light
Do what you want with me, hate me and laugh at me
Darken my daytime and torture my night
If my life was important I
Would ask will I live or die
But I know the answers lie far from this world
Close every door to me, keep those I love from me
Children of Israel are never alone
For I know I shall find my own peace of mind
For I have been promised a land of my own.
CHILDREN
Close every door to me, hide all the world from me
Bar all the windows and shut out the light
La la la la la la (REPEAT)
JOSEPH
Just give me a number instead of my name
Forget all about me and let me decay
I do not matter
I'm only one person
Destroy me completely then throw me away
If my life were important I
Would ask will I live or die
But I know the answers lie far from this world
Close every door to me keep those I love from me
Children of Israel are never alone
For we know we shall find our won peace of mind
For we have been promised a land of our own
MSG : I seriously need a vacation...
Monday, September 7, 2009
Shadow
I am tiring to figure what to type as I look at the screen on my laptop. I feel so lost and not wanted. I guess that's why I never liked visiting relatives. They only know how to judge me and put me down. I just being me. Can't you just accept me for me?
Just came back from grandmother's house which is located in Seremban. We were celebrating her birthday. I feel as if I am just a shadow. A thing which follows people around but disappears at night, unnoticed and unwanted.
Saturday night. We celebrate grandmother's birthday at a small restaurant. One of my aunt noticed I have changed a bit (compared to last time I saw her) My aunt said "So long didn't see you, you looked more pretty now." I was like... *bluring* Means I wasn't pretty at all? Grrr.. Anyway, I think she meant when I had blond hair. They said I looked not nice in blond (whatever). One thing about dinner I learned that NEVER drink wine, tea and sparkling juice on the same meal. I nearly puke cause of it. Or was it NEVER drink wine with a gulp. Then again, I do not enjoy wine if I sip it. Anyway, I am so not drinking wine + tea + sparkling juice on a same meal ever again. (Nearly went drunk).
Today, I wanted patiently for the cheese cake to be cook. However, when it was ready to be eaten. I was asleep. When I wanted to have some of the cheese cake, it was finish. No one cared whether I had some or not. No one bother asking whether I wanted some. They all assumed that I had eaten. I was angry, sad and brokenhearted. I waited patiently for it. But no one cared to offer me some. I didn't bother to ask why they didn't leave some for me as I know the answer will be 'how would I know?'. So I just walked out the kitchen and sat at the living room and watch TV.
Dad noticed I wasn't in the mood and ask why. I told him about it. Though it may seemed a small matter to most people. Yes, it may be small to a lot of you people. And I know if people talked to me about the same incident, I would say the same too. However I just had to let go what I feel inside. I can't take it the feeling of a shadow for many years. Though at certain situation I would like to but not all the time.
During dinner today, one of my aunt wonder why I was so quiet. No talking to any of my cousins or anyone else. She ask my dad. He told her the reason. She was like "I didn't know she didn't had some." (with her face looking somewhat). "If I knew I would have kept some for you." Yeah right! As if! Looking at your face, it doesn't show. I'm sure you're glad I didn't get some. I ignored her and continue eating dinner. I couldn't wait to go back to KL. I wanted so badly to go as fast as possible. I can't stand to be there feeling like a shadow. And my Psp is not working!!! I don't know what my cousin did, it hang and blackout! Now the games are gone. Going to ask dad to bring me to the shop and ask the guy whether he can fix it.
The point was, it always happen to either side of the family I go. If I'm in dad's side or mom's side, it the same result. Unnoticed, ignored, compared and being treated as if I was the black sheep of the family. Then what is the point of me going to visit them in the 1st place??? I only do that to visit grandfather (mom's dad) and grandmother (dad's mom). Other than that, I don't care much of the other relatives.
I guess that I must learn to adapt to it asap. I can't stand it anymore.
Recently watch a play in church called 'Joseph, The Overcomer' performed by the Performing Arts. Brian was a member in the Performing Art. He was playing the main character Joseph. It was an Awesome Performances. You were great! ^^
Currently like one of the song he sang for the performance. At the moment, it is a very good therapy for my depression. Manage to find the artist name and found this video in youtube. Strangely I didn't notice it was from a cartoon which I love watching it when I was younger.
Lyrics
I thought I did what's right
I thought I had the answers
I thought I chose the surest road
But that road brought me here
So I put up a fight
And told you how to help me
Now just when I have given up
The truth is coming clear
You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
For you know better than I
If this has been a test
I cannot see the reason
But maybe knowing I don't know
Is part of getting through
I try to do what's best
And faith has made it easy
To see the best thing I can do
Is put my trust in you
For You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
For you know better than I
I saw one cloud and thought it was a sky
I saw a bird and thought that I could follow
But it was you who taught that bird to fly
If I let you reach me will you teach me
For You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
I'll take what answers you supply
You know better than I
I'll keep this motto to heart and will always remember. After dark clouds and thunderstorms, you get to see rainbows!
Now finally I let go of every frustration, here you would see the good side so far.
-I got a new study table since my old one was small.
-I got a new cabinet which somehow my mom surprise me that she would actually buy it for me.
-My whole room is painted. It's blue. Cause it remind me of the sky (how much I wanted to fly) and sea (how I love snorkeling).
-I finally have a sugar glider. His name is Zero. He is crabby a lot. I guess that's how sugar glider are when they are in a new environment. Currently he is trying to get some sleep (I thought sugar gliders are active at night and the 1st day, he kept waking me up in the middle of the night).
It's getting late. I guess I'll end here.
God, Please grant me strength. I need them.
Good night.
Just came back from grandmother's house which is located in Seremban. We were celebrating her birthday. I feel as if I am just a shadow. A thing which follows people around but disappears at night, unnoticed and unwanted.
Saturday night. We celebrate grandmother's birthday at a small restaurant. One of my aunt noticed I have changed a bit (compared to last time I saw her) My aunt said "So long didn't see you, you looked more pretty now." I was like... *bluring* Means I wasn't pretty at all? Grrr.. Anyway, I think she meant when I had blond hair. They said I looked not nice in blond (whatever). One thing about dinner I learned that NEVER drink wine, tea and sparkling juice on the same meal. I nearly puke cause of it. Or was it NEVER drink wine with a gulp. Then again, I do not enjoy wine if I sip it. Anyway, I am so not drinking wine + tea + sparkling juice on a same meal ever again. (Nearly went drunk).
Today, I wanted patiently for the cheese cake to be cook. However, when it was ready to be eaten. I was asleep. When I wanted to have some of the cheese cake, it was finish. No one cared whether I had some or not. No one bother asking whether I wanted some. They all assumed that I had eaten. I was angry, sad and brokenhearted. I waited patiently for it. But no one cared to offer me some. I didn't bother to ask why they didn't leave some for me as I know the answer will be 'how would I know?'. So I just walked out the kitchen and sat at the living room and watch TV.
Dad noticed I wasn't in the mood and ask why. I told him about it. Though it may seemed a small matter to most people. Yes, it may be small to a lot of you people. And I know if people talked to me about the same incident, I would say the same too. However I just had to let go what I feel inside. I can't take it the feeling of a shadow for many years. Though at certain situation I would like to but not all the time.
During dinner today, one of my aunt wonder why I was so quiet. No talking to any of my cousins or anyone else. She ask my dad. He told her the reason. She was like "I didn't know she didn't had some." (with her face looking somewhat). "If I knew I would have kept some for you." Yeah right! As if! Looking at your face, it doesn't show. I'm sure you're glad I didn't get some. I ignored her and continue eating dinner. I couldn't wait to go back to KL. I wanted so badly to go as fast as possible. I can't stand to be there feeling like a shadow. And my Psp is not working!!! I don't know what my cousin did, it hang and blackout! Now the games are gone. Going to ask dad to bring me to the shop and ask the guy whether he can fix it.
The point was, it always happen to either side of the family I go. If I'm in dad's side or mom's side, it the same result. Unnoticed, ignored, compared and being treated as if I was the black sheep of the family. Then what is the point of me going to visit them in the 1st place??? I only do that to visit grandfather (mom's dad) and grandmother (dad's mom). Other than that, I don't care much of the other relatives.
I guess that I must learn to adapt to it asap. I can't stand it anymore.
Recently watch a play in church called 'Joseph, The Overcomer' performed by the Performing Arts. Brian was a member in the Performing Art. He was playing the main character Joseph. It was an Awesome Performances. You were great! ^^
Currently like one of the song he sang for the performance. At the moment, it is a very good therapy for my depression. Manage to find the artist name and found this video in youtube. Strangely I didn't notice it was from a cartoon which I love watching it when I was younger.
Lyrics
I thought I did what's right
I thought I had the answers
I thought I chose the surest road
But that road brought me here
So I put up a fight
And told you how to help me
Now just when I have given up
The truth is coming clear
You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
For you know better than I
If this has been a test
I cannot see the reason
But maybe knowing I don't know
Is part of getting through
I try to do what's best
And faith has made it easy
To see the best thing I can do
Is put my trust in you
For You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
For you know better than I
I saw one cloud and thought it was a sky
I saw a bird and thought that I could follow
But it was you who taught that bird to fly
If I let you reach me will you teach me
For You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
I'll take what answers you supply
You know better than I
I'll keep this motto to heart and will always remember. After dark clouds and thunderstorms, you get to see rainbows!
Now finally I let go of every frustration, here you would see the good side so far.
-I got a new study table since my old one was small.
-I got a new cabinet which somehow my mom surprise me that she would actually buy it for me.
-My whole room is painted. It's blue. Cause it remind me of the sky (how much I wanted to fly) and sea (how I love snorkeling).
-I finally have a sugar glider. His name is Zero. He is crabby a lot. I guess that's how sugar glider are when they are in a new environment. Currently he is trying to get some sleep (I thought sugar gliders are active at night and the 1st day, he kept waking me up in the middle of the night).
It's getting late. I guess I'll end here.
God, Please grant me strength. I need them.
Good night.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
errr weird?
Is it just me or everyone who is an adult is worried about my life?
Okay... I shall rephrase, adults worrying about my love life? There I said it. Happy?
Today, my mom told me that my aunt ask her whether I am dating.. or whether I am having a boyfriend. Ok... seriously, I find this weird. When I was 18, she did ask that and no was my answer (since I didn't communicate with my bf at that time over some problems we had and eventually we broke up) . Anyway, my point was, my aunt stated that I was too young to have one (I don't think 18 is too young to have anyway) and now she is like worried that I don't have one and encourage me to have one. So don't you think it is weird? and mom is like encouraging me to have one asap... Honestly speaking, I, seriously no comment on that... why?
Reason being...
I don't want to get hurt again. I don't want to rush a relationship with guys so fast. Though the waiting sometimes hurts, but to have scars that will never heal is worse. I know that the fact mom is worried I don't have one and my aunt is worried that I can't get married early (her daughter is like more than a decade older than me and is still not married) but rushing into things, wouldn't it be bad...?
I don't want to rush into things, because....
I would have the...
- fear that I would hurt the guy's feelings.
- fear that I am not good enough for him.
- fear that I am just taking him for granted.
- fear that I cannot make him happy.
- fear that one day, he'll just leave me for someone who is better than me...
Too much fear after experiencing past relationship has me aware of the things stated above. It even made me started out listing what I want my dream guy to be. I rather let the guy confess first. It would be better that way. I don't want De Ja Vu all over again. I want a guy who love me for being me not who I become. It's for the best for both parties.
Okay... I shall rephrase, adults worrying about my love life? There I said it. Happy?
Today, my mom told me that my aunt ask her whether I am dating.. or whether I am having a boyfriend. Ok... seriously, I find this weird. When I was 18, she did ask that and no was my answer (since I didn't communicate with my bf at that time over some problems we had and eventually we broke up) . Anyway, my point was, my aunt stated that I was too young to have one (I don't think 18 is too young to have anyway) and now she is like worried that I don't have one and encourage me to have one. So don't you think it is weird? and mom is like encouraging me to have one asap... Honestly speaking, I, seriously no comment on that... why?
Reason being...
I don't want to get hurt again. I don't want to rush a relationship with guys so fast. Though the waiting sometimes hurts, but to have scars that will never heal is worse. I know that the fact mom is worried I don't have one and my aunt is worried that I can't get married early (her daughter is like more than a decade older than me and is still not married) but rushing into things, wouldn't it be bad...?
I don't want to rush into things, because....
I would have the...
- fear that I would hurt the guy's feelings.
- fear that I am not good enough for him.
- fear that I am just taking him for granted.
- fear that I cannot make him happy.
- fear that one day, he'll just leave me for someone who is better than me...
Too much fear after experiencing past relationship has me aware of the things stated above. It even made me started out listing what I want my dream guy to be. I rather let the guy confess first. It would be better that way. I don't want De Ja Vu all over again. I want a guy who love me for being me not who I become. It's for the best for both parties.
Monday, August 24, 2009
I know it's gonna be alright~
Lyrics
God has given me a window
And I can finally see the light.
And though I felt like going under
I know it's gonna be alright.
God has given me a window
And I can finally see the light.
And though I felt like going under
I know it's gonna be alright.
You know that I've been there
When I couldn't find an open door
And then he consoled me
And showed me what I was looking for.
Bridge:
I just wanna talk the time to say
His love will never go away
And when it's dark no light to see
He brings away
Oh my god has
God has given me a window
And I can finally see the light.
And though I felt like going under
I know it's gonna be alright.
God has given me a window
And I can finally see the light.
And though I felt like going under
I know it's gonna be alright.
I know what your thinking
Its seems that it's too good to be true
But just when I need him
He's known for always coming through.
Bridge:
I just wanna talk the time to say
His love will never go away
And when it's dark no light to see
He brings away
Oh my god has
God has given me a window
And I can finally see the light.
And though I felt like going under
I know it's gonna be alright.
God has given me a window
And I can finally see the light.
And though I felt like going under
I know it's gonna be alright.
God has given me a window
And I can finally see the light.
And though I felt like going under
I know it's gonna be alright.
God has given me a window
And I can finally see the light.
And though I felt like going under
I know it's gonna be alright
I am sorta worried what my results will be (don't remind me about it. I haven't paid the stupid resource fee)... T.T but....
No matter what happens, I know I'm gonna be alright.
I am HAPPY I got new toy! XD
Monster Hunter!!!! Hunt Monsters XD
Thanks Kil for accompanying me to buy it ^w^
CHICKY!!!!Ps : this chick has noting to do with monster hunter. I just post it up cause it's cute~
Friday, July 31, 2009
Spoilers
READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.
WARNING TO THOSE WHO HAVEN'T BEEN FOLLOWING UP ON NARUTO EPISODE.
BELOW CONTAIN SPOILERS!
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Ok I am warning you...
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Last warning
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I THANK GOD THAT GAARA'S OUTFIT DIDNT CHANGE!
ok... I know it is lame for some of you. But for me it's like THANK GOD! There isn't any change!
Cause.....
I dont wanna spend money making another outfit... though it is not really proven that his outfit is totally change. Tenmari and Kankuro's outfit changed. So I was quite worried that Gaara's outfit change too... T.T
The three siblings from Suna. All of them looked like they have new otufit. ><
See Gaara's outfit? It's didnt looked as if it change. XD
Again his outfit looked the same ^^
WARNING TO THOSE WHO HAVEN'T BEEN FOLLOWING UP ON NARUTO EPISODE.
BELOW CONTAIN SPOILERS!
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Ok I am warning you...
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Okay... dont say I didnt warn you...
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Last warning
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I THANK GOD THAT GAARA'S OUTFIT DIDNT CHANGE!
ok... I know it is lame for some of you. But for me it's like THANK GOD! There isn't any change!
Cause.....
I dont wanna spend money making another outfit... though it is not really proven that his outfit is totally change. Tenmari and Kankuro's outfit changed. So I was quite worried that Gaara's outfit change too... T.T
The three siblings from Suna. All of them looked like they have new otufit. ><
See Gaara's outfit? It's didnt looked as if it change. XD
Again his outfit looked the same ^^
I've made this version of his outfit. Well, the anime one is Maroon. But I made the other colour instead. (This art is not mine.) So I was really happy that his outfit is not change. XD
Oh yea, if you guys were wondering why I don't bother to update. The fact is.... I AM SUPER LAZY TO UPDATE! Even though I have attend to some event and been to some outings. But I am totally lazy to update them. (Then again I rather keep it to myself for certain events XP)
And been busy playing Dragonica and SDO. I cant help it. I'm getting addicted to them. Even though... SDO I cut down after leveling to 21. XP. Dragonica now, I have 2 character which are 22 and 7 ( i think ) I just started it this week. XP
And I shall stop here and continue to become lazy XP
Monday, July 6, 2009
FREEDOM!!!!!
Free~ Free~ Free~
I am free at last!
I thank God I am Free at last~
Free~ Free~ Free~
I am free at last!
I thank God I am Free at last~
FREE! (I want the whole world to be free)
Haha. I forgotten how the song goes.
FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!
WEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
I finish my exams. Now holiday for 6 weeks!!
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
So many things to do... LOL
OMG!!!!
Lalalalalalalala ~
I am free at last!
I thank God I am Free at last~
Free~ Free~ Free~
I am free at last!
I thank God I am Free at last~
FREE! (I want the whole world to be free)
Haha. I forgotten how the song goes.
FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!
WEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
I finish my exams. Now holiday for 6 weeks!!
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
So many things to do... LOL
OMG!!!!
Lalalalalalalala ~
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